Sorry If Tak Sedap :'(

Friday, September 16, 2011

My heart was taken by you, broken by you and now it is in pieces because of you !

Why did I break up with him? Well, it's like, once I sat down and looked at the situation, all the pieces lying on the floor, it just wasn't a puzzle anymore. None of the pieces fit together. And even if I tried really hard, the pieces, well they were two different puzzles. That's why I did it, he needs to understand that.

You hurt me more then I deserve, how can you be so cruel? I love you more then you deserve, why am I such a fool? Yes, I'm a fool. Do you want to know why? Because I can't leave you before you leave me. Because I'm so easy to say 'OKAY !' everytime you say your sorry.

I miss all the little things. Like smiling at me when he's talking on the phone,and the way we'd share a big gooey ice cream. But I especially miss the the time when he stares at me whenever I'm sulking. And I'd lay on his arms, with the sound of his heartbeat being the most special music that I would hear.

It's like once you've been hurt, you're so scared to get attached again. I have this fear that every person I start to fall for, is just going to break my heart again. And why all this happened? It's because of you !

I have waited for you for almost a year and I will wait for you for the rest of my life. Even if that means I have to give you up for the rest of my life, I will wait for you. I love you that much and nothing will ever change that. Guess what? I'm not being with anyone until now just because of you. I just can't stop myself from comparing everyone with you.

Do you want to know what my problem is? I will tell you what my problem is, I LOVE YOU ! I love your name, I love the way you look at me, I love your gorgeous smile, I love the way you walk, I love your beautiful eyes, I love what you look like when you are talking, I love to see you suking, I love to see how you imitate me, I love to see the way you are when you eat, I love the sound of your laugh, to hear your voice fills my entire heart with an indescribable feeling. I love the way I can be having the worst day of my life and seeing you completely changes my mood. I love how when you touch me I when I'm sad. I love everything about you. I just can't recall why am I being so stupid to hurt you.

Sometimes I hope we're still friends when I get married. I hope that I'll invite you to the wedding and you'll come. Then you'll see me as the happiest girl in the world. You'll see me with a guy that treats me right and loves me more than himself. You'll see all that you could've had and you'll regret letting me go. And the thing that I want you to see the most is that I survived without you. But I know you won't. Because I'm the worse girlfriend that you've ever had. 

I'm mad at myself, not you. I'm mad for always being nice, always apologizing for things I didn't do, for getting attached, for making you my life, depending on you, wasting my time on you, thinking about you, following you, changing for you, forgiving you, wishing for you, dreaming of you, and most of all for not hating you which I know I should but I can't.

If one day you realize that I haven't talked to you in a while it's not because I don't care anymore it's because you pushed me away and just left me there.


*sorry for the broken english ;p

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